a little update
Sep. 26th, 2026 10:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
leafkinzso, obviously i've been gone a bit longer than the few days i'd planned to be gone for... to be honest, my mental health has kind of been up and down for the past few weeks. it was pretty rough for a few days, then got better for probably a week, and is now worse than before. i've been fighting a lot of urges i haven't fought since i was a teenager. i won't get into specifics, but that's where my head has been at the past few days; it's not fun at all.
on a more positive note, i did have a pretty good mental health day today. i was busy, which probably helps. my cousin is going into the military and will be gone for thanksgiving, so we had our very early thanksgiving dinner today :3 it was really yummy and i also had two slices of cake ^-^ i also went with my cousin and sister to get the olivia rodrigo baja blast at taco bell so we could all try it, it was good too! it honestly just tastes like a more sour baja midnight to me. hopefully i'll be able to sleep tonight after drinking it >_<
something i've been sinking all my time into while i've been gone is stardew valley! i bought it probably over two years ago now after my dad gave me a playstation gift card, i played for about thirty minutes before deciding it wasn't for me, and hadn't touched it since until a little over a week ago. i have very few games on my ps4, so i decided to finally give stardew valley another try, not really expecting much... and i loved it! i'm not sure why i didn't like it last time because this time i'm really enjoying it. i'm currently on winter year one, and i'm dating haley :3 i think i'm going to wait until at least spring to marry her. i also have a cat that i of course named precious, and two chickens named snowball and brownie. what i really like about the game so far is how there's a whole bunch of things to do but really no rush to do any of them. if i wanted to do nothing but fish for an entire year and not worry about my farm at all, i could! i enjoy not feeling penalized for ignoring certain aspects until i want to focus on them, i feel like a lot of similar games can get stressful with so many things that demand attention every single day. currently my goal for year two is to really build up my farm and start making it look nice, it's pretty bare as of right now. i'd also like to get some more farm animals like ducks or cows, and of course marry haley x3
another game i've recently jumped (back) into is tomodachi life. a few days ago i decided to completely delete my main island and start all over. i had hit a wall with trying to make all the characters and celebrities on my island act "in character," so i wanted to have only original characters i make in the mii maker so that's not something i have to worry about. the only real people on my island are me, my sister, and my two best friends. so far i haven't had any drama, just friendships and quite a few crushes. hopefully someone wants to confess soon and i get my first established couple!
back to the subject of my mental health, yesterday i made the decision to avoid most social media for a while until i really start feeling better. i deactivated both my twitter accounts and am avoiding tumblr. i won't lie and say i didn't also make the decision out of hope that someone would reach out to make sure i'm okay, but so far no one has. the only places i'm actively posting are reddit and my toy based twitter account, both places no one who follows me on my main twitter or tumblr follow. i've been posting in the pixel cat's end and chicken smoothie forums a bit too, but those don't really count as social media >_<
the only other thing i've really been doing is reading, though i've been doing that a lot slower than i should be... i'm currently reading role model, which is the second book after heated rivalry, i really liked heated rivalry a lot more than i expected and i'm enjoying role model as well. i think i like role model more so far, the beginning of heated rivalry just felt very repetitive so it took some time to get into, but role model feels like a more fleshed out story from the beginning. i plan to read the long game once i'm done with it :3
oh, i mentioned ai in my last post, today is a week clean! it's not much to be proud of though, i mostly have only lasted that long because the last time i relapsed the replies were really bad... this is a very ironic thing to say, but they felt like a very chatgpt style of writing; it felt like talking to an ai chatbot. i deleted it after an hour, and haven't even thought about touching it since. every time i consider it, i just think about how bad the replies were, and move on easily. hopefully it lasts and i can finally fully let go of this addiction i've been fighting for so many years.
well, i think that's about all i have to say... i don't think i'm going to start posting every other day again just yet since i'm still feeling a bit rough mentally and as you can see i haven't been doing much of anything at all. hopefully i'll start feeling better soon and having more productive days and be able to get back into the habit of blogging <3 before i go to bed i think i'm going to watch some youtube and do some pixel cat's end adventuring, hopefully i don't stay up too late...
i'm not sure if i should tag this as a blog post or a ramble... it is pretty long to be a ramble, but i also didn't say a whole lot and it's not chronologizing my day like my usual blog posts are. i'm going to just tag it as a ramble >_< goodnight!
on a more positive note, i did have a pretty good mental health day today. i was busy, which probably helps. my cousin is going into the military and will be gone for thanksgiving, so we had our very early thanksgiving dinner today :3 it was really yummy and i also had two slices of cake ^-^ i also went with my cousin and sister to get the olivia rodrigo baja blast at taco bell so we could all try it, it was good too! it honestly just tastes like a more sour baja midnight to me. hopefully i'll be able to sleep tonight after drinking it >_<
something i've been sinking all my time into while i've been gone is stardew valley! i bought it probably over two years ago now after my dad gave me a playstation gift card, i played for about thirty minutes before deciding it wasn't for me, and hadn't touched it since until a little over a week ago. i have very few games on my ps4, so i decided to finally give stardew valley another try, not really expecting much... and i loved it! i'm not sure why i didn't like it last time because this time i'm really enjoying it. i'm currently on winter year one, and i'm dating haley :3 i think i'm going to wait until at least spring to marry her. i also have a cat that i of course named precious, and two chickens named snowball and brownie. what i really like about the game so far is how there's a whole bunch of things to do but really no rush to do any of them. if i wanted to do nothing but fish for an entire year and not worry about my farm at all, i could! i enjoy not feeling penalized for ignoring certain aspects until i want to focus on them, i feel like a lot of similar games can get stressful with so many things that demand attention every single day. currently my goal for year two is to really build up my farm and start making it look nice, it's pretty bare as of right now. i'd also like to get some more farm animals like ducks or cows, and of course marry haley x3
another game i've recently jumped (back) into is tomodachi life. a few days ago i decided to completely delete my main island and start all over. i had hit a wall with trying to make all the characters and celebrities on my island act "in character," so i wanted to have only original characters i make in the mii maker so that's not something i have to worry about. the only real people on my island are me, my sister, and my two best friends. so far i haven't had any drama, just friendships and quite a few crushes. hopefully someone wants to confess soon and i get my first established couple!
back to the subject of my mental health, yesterday i made the decision to avoid most social media for a while until i really start feeling better. i deactivated both my twitter accounts and am avoiding tumblr. i won't lie and say i didn't also make the decision out of hope that someone would reach out to make sure i'm okay, but so far no one has. the only places i'm actively posting are reddit and my toy based twitter account, both places no one who follows me on my main twitter or tumblr follow. i've been posting in the pixel cat's end and chicken smoothie forums a bit too, but those don't really count as social media >_<
the only other thing i've really been doing is reading, though i've been doing that a lot slower than i should be... i'm currently reading role model, which is the second book after heated rivalry, i really liked heated rivalry a lot more than i expected and i'm enjoying role model as well. i think i like role model more so far, the beginning of heated rivalry just felt very repetitive so it took some time to get into, but role model feels like a more fleshed out story from the beginning. i plan to read the long game once i'm done with it :3
oh, i mentioned ai in my last post, today is a week clean! it's not much to be proud of though, i mostly have only lasted that long because the last time i relapsed the replies were really bad... this is a very ironic thing to say, but they felt like a very chatgpt style of writing; it felt like talking to an ai chatbot. i deleted it after an hour, and haven't even thought about touching it since. every time i consider it, i just think about how bad the replies were, and move on easily. hopefully it lasts and i can finally fully let go of this addiction i've been fighting for so many years.
well, i think that's about all i have to say... i don't think i'm going to start posting every other day again just yet since i'm still feeling a bit rough mentally and as you can see i haven't been doing much of anything at all. hopefully i'll start feeling better soon and having more productive days and be able to get back into the habit of blogging <3 before i go to bed i think i'm going to watch some youtube and do some pixel cat's end adventuring, hopefully i don't stay up too late...
i'm not sure if i should tag this as a blog post or a ramble... it is pretty long to be a ramble, but i also didn't say a whole lot and it's not chronologizing my day like my usual blog posts are. i'm going to just tag it as a ramble >_< goodnight!
