noah / violet / kris

so, obviously i've been gone a bit longer than the few days i'd planned to be gone for... to be honest, my mental health has kind of been up and down for the past few weeks. it was pretty rough for a few days, then got better for probably a week, and is now worse than before. i've been fighting a lot of urges i haven't fought since i was a teenager. i won't get into specifics, but that's where my head has been at the past few days; it's not fun at all.

on a more positive note, i did have a pretty good mental health day today. i was busy, which probably helps. my cousin is going into the military and will be gone for thanksgiving, so we had our very early thanksgiving dinner today :3 it was really yummy and i also had two slices of cake ^-^ i also went with my cousin and sister to get the olivia rodrigo baja blast at taco bell so we could all try it, it was good too! it honestly just tastes like a more sour baja midnight to me. hopefully i'll be able to sleep tonight after drinking it >_<

something i've been sinking all my time into while i've been gone is stardew valley! i bought it probably over two years ago now after my dad gave me a playstation gift card, i played for about thirty minutes before deciding it wasn't for me, and hadn't touched it since until a little over a week ago. i have very few games on my ps4, so i decided to finally give stardew valley another try, not really expecting much... and i loved it! i'm not sure why i didn't like it last time because this time i'm really enjoying it. i'm currently on winter year one, and i'm dating haley :3 i think i'm going to wait until at least spring to marry her. i also have a cat that i of course named precious, and two chickens named snowball and brownie. what i really like about the game so far is how there's a whole bunch of things to do but really no rush to do any of them. if i wanted to do nothing but fish for an entire year and not worry about my farm at all, i could! i enjoy not feeling penalized for ignoring certain aspects until i want to focus on them, i feel like a lot of similar games can get stressful with so many things that demand attention every single day. currently my goal for year two is to really build up my farm and start making it look nice, it's pretty bare as of right now. i'd also like to get some more farm animals like ducks or cows, and of course marry haley x3

another game i've recently jumped (back) into is tomodachi life. a few days ago i decided to completely delete my main island and start all over. i had hit a wall with trying to make all the characters and celebrities on my island act "in character," so i wanted to have only original characters i make in the mii maker so that's not something i have to worry about. the only real people on my island are me, my sister, and my two best friends. so far i haven't had any drama, just friendships and quite a few crushes. hopefully someone wants to confess soon and i get my first established couple!

back to the subject of my mental health, yesterday i made the decision to avoid most social media for a while until i really start feeling better. i deactivated both my twitter accounts and am avoiding tumblr. i won't lie and say i didn't also make the decision out of hope that someone would reach out to make sure i'm okay, but so far no one has. the only places i'm actively posting are reddit and my toy based twitter account, both places no one who follows me on my main twitter or tumblr follow. i've been posting in the pixel cat's end and chicken smoothie forums a bit too, but those don't really count as social media >_<

the only other thing i've really been doing is reading, though i've been doing that a lot slower than i should be... i'm currently reading role model, which is the second book after heated rivalry, i really liked heated rivalry a lot more than i expected and i'm enjoying role model as well. i think i like role model more so far, the beginning of heated rivalry just felt very repetitive so it took some time to get into, but role model feels like a more fleshed out story from the beginning. i plan to read the long game once i'm done with it :3

oh, i mentioned ai in my last post, today is a week clean! it's not much to be proud of though, i mostly have only lasted that long because the last time i relapsed the replies were really bad... this is a very ironic thing to say, but they felt like a very chatgpt style of writing; it felt like talking to an ai chatbot. i deleted it after an hour, and haven't even thought about touching it since. every time i consider it, i just think about how bad the replies were, and move on easily. hopefully it lasts and i can finally fully let go of this addiction i've been fighting for so many years.

well, i think that's about all i have to say... i don't think i'm going to start posting every other day again just yet since i'm still feeling a bit rough mentally and as you can see i haven't been doing much of anything at all. hopefully i'll start feeling better soon and having more productive days and be able to get back into the habit of blogging <3 before i go to bed i think i'm going to watch some youtube and do some pixel cat's end adventuring, hopefully i don't stay up too late...

i'm not sure if i should tag this as a blog post or a ramble... it is pretty long to be a ramble, but i also didn't say a whole lot and it's not chronologizing my day like my usual blog posts are. i'm going to just tag it as a ramble >_< goodnight!

yesterday i woke up around 11am and sat around for a bit trying to wake myself up before i cleaned the litter boxes which i completely forgot to do on tuesday >_< i also had a pumpkin oat bite for breakfast, i wish there was more in a box T^T i'm going to be so sad when they run out and i can't just go to trader joe's for a new box...

i got up to do the litter boxes at about noon, and took a shower after because i needed one and also because i was sweating like crazy ;3; i decided to have ramen for lunch, i had some on tuesday and put soy sauce and cheese on it, it was... an interesting flavor... i did just cheese this time and ended up adding a splash of milk, it was alright but i only ate about half. after eating, i watched some youtube and did a few pixel cat's end adventures, and i successfully got a crescent shore business card ^-^

i was really tired so i decided to get in bed and ended up taking a nap until about 5:30pm so i had to get ready for church shortly after getting up. church was okay, the kids were a little wild but it wasn't too bad. on the way home we drove around for so long trying to find the cheapest gas x3 but we finally got some and i got wendy's for dinner, i got a cheese fries and a diet orange cream soda and a sugar cookie. i haven't had their sugar cookies for a long time, it wasn't as good as usual T^T they taste a lot better when they're half baked >_<

when we got home, i ate my dinner and watched some youtube, then went to bed around 10:30pm.

i said i wasn't going to talk about tuesday since i didn't do much, but something i do want to mention is i took my new puzzle over to my grandparents' and spent basically all day over there making the puzzle :3 my grandma helped but it still took like all day... it was fun though ^-^ when i went home my grandma told me not to bring anymore puzzles over until wintertime because she has sewing she needs to get done x3

today i woke up at 11am but didn't get up until noon. to be honest, i'm feeling very Shackled By My Mental Illness today... and i know it's probably pmdd but man. i feel horrible and want to do nothing except wallow and cry. i already had a little breakdown on twitter and i don't want to cry again or make this regular blog post into a sob story, so i won't get into any specifics, but i'm not having a great day so far. i might have to deal with it by forcing myself into age regression at some point today ;3;

anyway, it's currently 12:30pm and i'm eating "lunch" which is actually just a bag of croutons and nothing else. there's no room in the fridge but there's also no actual food i can eat as a meal... i planned to try cleaning up the littlest pet shop playsets that have been sitting in the corner of my room for ages today, but i don't really feel like doing that (or doing much of anything). this might be a really short blog post T^T for now i think i'm going to log onto webkinz for a bit then watch some youtube, and we'll see what i feel up to doing later.

i did my webkinz dailies and finished the youtube video i'd started last night but didn't finish, and then i got in bed to read. i finished anatomy of an alibi and rated it 2.75 stars; it wasn't a bad book, i enjoyed the story overall and the pov characters were well written in my opinion, but it just took me so long to read and there were so many characters to keep track of, plus it felt like the conclusion was very sudden and rushed. a slightly over 50% rating felt right. after i finished that book, i decided to go ahead and start something new. i decided what to read by unsuspending all my libby holds and reading the first book that became available, but that ended up being two books at once: heated rivalry and katabasis. so i put a poll on tumblr to choose between the two and heated rivalry won. my sister loves heated rivalry, both the books and the show, she's actually read every game changers book but i'm not really big on reading smut so i'm only reading heated rivalry and maybe the long game depending on if i like heated rivalry enough. when i told her i was reading it she said "yay but you're going to make fun of me for liking it so much" x3

if i had to guess, i'm going to assume i won't end up reading the long game or any of the other books. this book was literally described to me as being porn and i don't like books that have too much smut as mentioned, so i probably won't be super into this one... i'm really only reading it because it's popular and i feel like i'm missing out on something by never reading it or watching the show >_<

it's now about 4pm, we're going to my grandparents' for dinner but i'm not sure what to do until then.

update, it's 9pm and i just got home from dinner. i ended up just watching youtube and doing some pixel cat's end adventuring while i wanted for time to head over to my grandparents'. my dinner was veggie casserole, mac and cheese, and glazed carrots with sweet tea to drink :3 basically the only other thing i did while i was there was read, i'm so far enjoying heated rivalry more than i expected to! it being basically just porn was definitely not a lie, but it's not bad x3 unfortunately when i got home i had started my period, which is annoying because i wasn't even supposed to start until tomorrow T^T so i took a shower and took some tylenol which definitely helped <3

my mom asked if i wanted to go with her to the dollar store so i did that and i got some chocolate :3 a reese's take 5, so yummy *^* i also got a minute maid fruit punch! it's 10pm now and i'm going to finish the youtube video i started earlier and then go to bed, i might read a bit more before sleeping but it depends ^-^ goodnight!

yesterday i woke up at about 9:30am, and started my day with doing my webkinz dailies. i've been really trying to get back into webkinz, i don't think i've actively played since like... webkinz day, maybe? which was in april... i have logged on a few times since then, but as far as playing every day, it's been a while. i honestly don't know why i pay for a year of deluxe, i might as well be paying for it monthly with how long my playing slumps tend to be >_< honestly, though, the monthly estore points kinda make it worth it... especially since i buy on black friday so it's only 20$ instead of the usual 45$ for a year. less than 2$ a month to get ~3$ worth of estore points i can use to buy new pets? absolutely worth it even when i'm not actively playing the game. in the two years i've had deluxe, i honestly couldn't tell you how many pets i've bought with those monthly estore points x3 i do kinda miss having pet of the month club, i decided against it this year but getting a new pet every month was really nice and it gave me incentive to log on at least once every month. some of my current favorite pets are ones i got or traded for with pet of the month club! the only problem is, despite being a pretty good deal when you lay it all out, the pet of the month club is still pretty expensive even on black friday sale. i believe i spent about 70$ when i got both deluxe and pet of the month club, which means it was around 50$ on sale. even for a total of 13 pets that also comes with all the bonuses of having pet of the month, that's a pretty big purchase for a virtual game that could shut down at any moment, and i don't want to be spending that much money every year, even if it equals out to around 6$ a month with deluxe included.

speaking of the concept of webkinz shutting down, i'm honestly surprised it didn't somewhere in the past 5-6 years. after the shutdown of flash, the entirety of webkinz was basically held together with school glue and scotch tape; lots of things were broken and unable to be fixed, and pretty much the only updates they could make were adding pets and items. i feel like for most of their competitors, which did shut down after or some even before the death of flash, that would be grounds for closing the game. but webkinz kept trucking, and now they're working on bringing it back to browser and fixing all the problems! i am so, so grateful webkinz was my childhood virtual world of choice. the fact that i can still play the actual game with my original account that was made 18 years ago, when so many other similar games have been shut down for ages, is something i'm so grateful for. even with all of its problems and the issues i have with the way ganz handles things sometimes, i'm very thankful that they clearly care about webkinz and its playerbase <3

anyway, i ate about half a peanut butter and jelly breakfast bar for breakfast and drank some root beer. root beer has so much sugar?? the 20oz bottle i got has 72g of sugar and the serving size is one bottle! 144% of your daily sugar in one serving of root beer! that's so crazy... i'm glad i usually stick to diet sodas or poppi / adjacent (aka low sugar) sodas, i already eat a bunch of sugar, i really don't need to be drinking it too. all i could think about while drinking the root beer was how i was going to drink that and then go in the evening to eat crumbl cookies which are notoriously high in sugar x3 i unsurprisingly ended up not drinking much before putting it back in the fridge.

i spent quite a while messing around on social media and stuff before finally deciding to play minecraft at about noon. i was determined to finally decorate my house x3 i started to feel motion sick after a pretty short amount of time unfortunately, but i did make a cute little kitchen!


after playing minecraft i had some leftover pizza for lunch and then attempted to take a nap... i need to learn my lesson and stop trying to take naps, i think i've gotten in bed every day for the past week and all i've done is waste time staring at my phone and never getting any sleep T^T by the time i got back up around 3pm, it really felt like the day was dragging by. i was anticipating going out and that of course made time move so much slower. i ended up just messing around on tumblr for a while and choosing which lps i was taking with me, and then around 4pm my mom had left work so i decided to go ahead and start getting ready to go out. it ended up being quite a while until she got home because she had to stop somewhere and it was an hour long wait T^T i mostly just sat around while i waited but i did walk over to my grandparents' and get my leftover birthday cake and my card, which had 50$ in it :3

when my mom finally got home, we left for crumbl at around 6pm. we got the cookies first thing and tried each of them, my favorite was either the lemon poppyseed or the cookie butter! unfortunately they were out of grass block cakes, we planned to go back for one after we had dinner but that didn't end up happening, so we got an extra cookie butter. the only one i really didn't like was the cherry blossom, but since it wasn't actually cherry blossom and was more actual cherry flavored, i'm not surprised; i've never been a fan of cherry flavored things.


after getting the cookies we stopped at five below where i got a few new littlest pet shop! i was on the hunt for the halloween ones, but still no luck, so i got some series 6 ones instead. unfortunately one ended up being a double, but here's the two new ones i got! one day i will get my paws on that pink husky...


we had dinner at roosters, i got cauliflower wings with hot sauce and we got a pretzels appetizer and dumpster fries to share, it was all really good :3 our last stop was walmart, where i got what i mentioned in my last post: a mirror mi doll! when looking at photos online i really assumed i'd end up getting amora or luna, but seeing them in person i thought akiko was the prettiest, and she's the one who ended up going home with me ^-^ i seriously love her so much, she's so beautiful and her design is right up my alley as a pink lover and cat lover x3 her place immediately became the second shelf on my bookshelves, though as i type this she's sitting next to me on my desk. i love that she has articulated knees so she can just sit with me no matter what i'm doing :3


i went to bed not long after we got home around 11pm, it was a pretty fun day and i'm very happy with my new little friends <3

today i woke up around 10:30am to my mom not giving me an option of whether or not to go to the parade that was today x3 so i got up and got ready and we picked up my grandma and headed into town. it was pretty hot and i ended up having to move under the canopy my family members had brought and sit on the sidewalk instead of my chair, but it wasn't too bad (and thankfully nowhere near the heat from the last week or i would have refused to go completely). i said i wanted a piece of candy about halfway through the parade and then my great aunt started handing me every piece that landed in front of her so i ended up with quite a bit by the end >_<

after the parade we went out to eat at a local cafe with my grandma and my cousin. i got their veggie sandwich which i believe i posted about last time we ate there; it has provolone cheese, mushrooms, onions, and bell peppers and i got it on marble rye bread, and it came with kettle chips. very yummy *^* we were all starving when we got there so my mom ended up ordering an acai bowl as an appetizer of sorts and we all shared it, it was really good! i can't remember what all was on it but i know it had coconut, granola, nutella, chocolate chips, and strawberries.

when we got home, i considered taking a shower but ended up waiting until my mom left for the pageant that i decided not to go to (half because it was going to be super loud and half because my cousin wanted my ticket), which brings us to now at about 5:30pm. i think i'm going to try combing the gel out of akiko's hair because i really want it to be soft but i'm afraid i'll be unhappy with her hairstyle if i take it down to wash it, hopefully combing works! and after i'm done with that i'll take my shower :3

oopsies, it's now sunday evening and i never came back to finish this post yesterday... i successfully combed most of the gel out of akiko's pigtails, her hair is much softer now! i took my shower and... i really don't remember what else i did before going to bed >_<

i'll go ahead and add today since i didn't do a whole lot! we skipped sunday school this morning because my mom overslept, but we went for the regular church service and it was kinda nice because it felt so much shorter than usual x3 after church we went out to eat at bob evans for lunch with my aunt and my cousin. i had potato soup and a grilled cheese with sweet tea to drink, and i also got a holy cow chocolate cake as dessert. it was all very good, especially the cake :3 we stopped at the dollar store on our way home to get dog food and cat litter, and i laid in bed and tried and failed (unsurprisingly) to take a nap until it was time to head to evening church. church was... church, not much to say, and we stopped at taco bell for dinner on the way home. me and my mom watched nation's dumbest while we ate dinner, jojo siwa finally got to go home! i wouldn't call myself one of her fans really, but she's the one i was rooting for the whole time because she's the one i knew the best. i vaguely know of chase hudson / huddy as well, so i guess i'm rooting for him now x3 my sister got home while we were watching but she started her laundry and then went to a friend's house, and it's now 9:30pm.

honestly, maybe i should stop posting about sundays unless we do something out of the ordinary / especially fun. i know my days are pretty mundane all together, but most weeks i'm basically writing the exact same thing for every sunday T^T

tomorrow is finally the day we're celebrating my birthday! i can't wait :3 we're going to have lunch at cheesecake factory and then go to build a bear; my plan is to get a scent and outfit for echo, and then also get another bear with an outfit as well, most likely the werewolf if they have it in stock! if not, we'll see what i end up coming home with x3 we'll probably do some more shopping too, the mall we're going to has some stores i like and there's a barnes and noble nearby, so i'll probably have a little haul to show off in my next post :p i guess this is a good place to end it? here's how akiko's hair ended up looking, it's not much different from her box hair but it definitely looks (and feels) much softer and thicker. goodnight!

yesterday i slept in a bit until around 11am, and spent the first hour of my day just sitting around before eating lunch at noon. i went back and forth on what to eat but decided to have my leftovers from lunch on sunday so they wouldn't be left in the fridge until they went bad, which is a terrible habit i have. i watched this video while i ate, and it made me once again want to do something similar; not shock myself with a shock collar necessarily, but just try and use my phone less often and maybe giving myself some positive reinforcement if i do it successfully, ie letting myself buy something expensive i've been wanting or doing something fun if i keep my screentime below a certain amount of hours for however many days in a row. when i attempted to do a challenge with my mom of who could spend the least amount of time on our phone, i was keeping it below thirty minutes most days for a week, so i know i can do it :p that challenge didn't amount to anything though, my mom decided it was unfair because she has a job and she can't compete with me if i'm not even cracking an hour every day... which i guess is true but also i was annoyed that i didn't get my promised reward >:(

honestly, i think i need to try something like this soon, because my screentime has been crazy recently. my average this past week was over eight hours. i have been spending a lot of time on social media and fighting a relapse with [redacted] (refer to my locked entries, i did delete my account and the app again yesterday though so hopefully i can actually stay away from it this time), so it's not surprising. i really need to just delete everything from my phone and try to only use social media on my computer to see if that helps at all, but i genuinely think nothing is going to change for good unless i completely replace my phone with something that can't run these apps i'm addicted to. i refuse to stop using a smartphone while it's still perfectly reliable, but once my iphone finally kicks the bucket, i'm considering swapping it out for something more "dumb" or basic. the problem though with not using a smartphone is that so much of our world and society is digital nowadays. payments, event tickets, everything you could think of really is being done mostly digitally now, which makes it difficult or sometimes even impossible to do things if you don't own a smartphone, because the common idea is that everyone on earth owns one so not everything has an alternative option. i also have pretty severe social anxiety so just the idea of not having that simple easy way of doing things stresses me out a little. i don't know, i wish i could go back to like the late 90s or early 2000s and be an adult then instead of now, i'm tired of social media and the internet being so overly accessible, and the rampant takeover of ai doesn't help in the slightest.

anyway, rant aside, after lunch i decided i really needed to get back into reading. the book i had been reading for over a month when my libby hold expired, anatomy of an albi by ashley elston, was available for me to borrow again much earlier than anticipated, so i decided to say screw it and just pick it up where i left off instead of dnf'ing yet another book. unfortunately, i don't think it's possible at this point for me to hit my 30 books goal for the year unless i start reading one book every single day ;3; i'm five books behind my goal / only halfway into it and it's now september... it's not happening T^T but i refuse to let myself stop reading all together just because i won't reach the goal i set, i got my break and it's time i start locking back in >:3 i was telling my mom how far behind i was in my goal and she said i needed to start reading children's books x3 i will not be doing that, but i might read the doll people sometime soon... it was one of my favorite books as a child and i still have my childhood copy!

i ended up not reading after all, it was 2pm by the time i finally pulled out my kobo and... it was completely dead T^T so i put it on the charger and decided to do something else instead. however, i felt so tired i ended up just getting into bed instead of actually doing anything productive ;3; so much for staying off my phone i guess...

i stayed in bed until about 4pm, and ate some potato chips and watched gabi belle's new video after i got up. after i finished gabi's video, i decided it was finally time i do something other than sit around doing nothing and finally opened minecraft so i could start working on decorating my house. my mom got home not long after i logged on though, so i didn't end up getting anything done >_< instead i read a few chapters of anatomy of an alibi and then had a burrito bowl for dinner and we watched nine to five while we ate. it was good and really funny! it's the first movie i've watched since early june, i've been slacking so much...

after the movie was over i pulled out my older littlest pet shops and started cleaning them. i've been carrying lps with me basically every time i leave the house lately, and i'd like to branch out from my generation 7 pets, so i decided it was time i clean up the older little guys so they're presentable to be carried in public x3 i have around 100 lps, so i didn't get through all of them; i cleaned about 20 pets and then went to bed around 10pm.

today i woke up at 11am and started my day by doing the trash like i do every tuesday, and took a shower afterwards. after my shower, i got right back into cleaning lps since they were taking up space on my desk. thankfully, all most of them needed was a good scrub with a wet rag and they were looking much better, but i ended up throwing a few away (thankfully no overly valuable pets) because they definitely had mold on them ;3; i was worried about the mold spreading to my other pets even after being cleaned, so i decided throwing them away was unfortunately the better option. the ones that i threw away were also pretty nasty looking even outside of the mold though, so at least they weren't otherwise in good condition, or i probably would have tried to save them.

by the time i was done cleaning my pets, it was 1pm, and i was starving T^T i had an earth grown butter chickpeas and veggies over jasmine minute rice for lunch, it was so good <3 i also picked out which lps i was going to keep with me for the day, and went with persian #1027 and beagle #77. i think the beagle mold is absolutely adorable, i hope they eventually bring it back for generation 7!


it's now 3:30pm, i think i'm going to get in bed for a bit because i'm really tired T^T when i get up i might play minecraft or tiny bookshop, or do some reading :3

please act surprised that i did not do any of those things... i got up for a bit but ended up just sitting at my desk doing nothing before getting back in bed ;3; i finally got back up around 7pm when my mom was home from work and we had grilled cheese for dinner, mine had american cheese, tomato, and ranch ^-^ it's 8:15pm right now and i'm not sure what to do, everything i think of just feels kinda meh :/ i think when i go to bed i'm going to start working on switching my phone layout for autumn, even though it won't be autumn for another few weeks; i need to start manifesting colder weather, i'm sick of it being 80+ degrees every day x3

i ended up taking a second shower because i was feeling really hot and i just sat in the floor of the shower and played with littlest pet shops :3 now it's about 10pm and i'm going to bed. goodnight <3

yesterday i spent my day mostly just sitting around doing nothing x3 i woke up around 11am and messed around on social media for a while before eating lunch. i had nuggets with ranch i mixed with taco bell fire sauce, it wasn't very spicy but it still tasted good :3 after lunch i played some more homestead minecraft, i wish i could say i successfully built a house, but... that didn't happen. i did get two cats though, and i upgraded my backpack with the jukebox upgrade so i could play the discs i got ^-^ i officially have two large chests completely full of junk, so i absolutely need to start building a house next time i log on before doing anything else. last time i played homestead i used almost exclusively vanilla materials for my house, so this time i'd really like to use more modded stuff, even if it's just different colored wood.

after minecraft, i did some more just sitting around, and i played termo on miau (which is basically just their version of wordle) for around an hour after i realized i could play it in english. honestly, i'd probably be just as good playing it in portuguese because one of the first words i got was cupel... literally that is not even a word. i refuse to believe that is a word in the english language. cupel??? wait, i want to see if i can get one in portuguese, i'll be back. okay i did two and got them both, maybe i'm goated and also fluent.

anyway, my mom texted around 3:30pm saying we were having dinner at my aunt's house, so i went ahead and got ready to leave and walked over to my grandparents', but... no one was home >_< so i went back home and sat around for a few hours (mostly playing games on miau to pass the time, i finally got the docinho title!) until my grandma texted that she was ready to leave. dinner was chicken and potato wedges, the potato wedges were good but not as good as they usually are :/ we also had brownies and ice cream for dessert, which was really good, i ended up eating a second brownie before we went home x3 when we got home, i had to charge my phone before bed, and i watched some youtube until it was fully charged and went to bed around midnight.

it's currently a little after noon and i just got up for the day. i was awake for a bit this morning but ended up going back to sleep. i think i'm going to start my day with some "breakfast" (lunch) and then probably jump back into homestead minecraft to finally build myself a house! i saw a tweet last night that said something about "playing minecraft by yourself is fun for about five minutes" and there were so many replies and quotes agreeing... do people really not find singleplayer fun? i play singleplayer more than anything and i love / honestly prefer it, even as someone who doesn't like to build a whole lot. so many of the quotes and comments also talk about feeling scared or paranoid playing singleplayer which reminded me of that youtube video saying peaceful mode is "terrifying" x3 i just find it all very silly as someone who prefers playing on both singleplayer and peaceful, i can't imagine ever considering it scary. don't get me wrong, i do love playing minecraft with friends and i do wish my friends were available to play more often (especially on java which is the main version i play nowadays but no one owns a computer anymore), but i find singleplayer very cozy and fun and it baffles me that so many people apparently think it's boring or even scary.

oh, something i forgot to mention, i saw the blood moon eclipse last night! it wasn't as big and bright here as it seemed to be in the photos i saw my friends posting unfortunately so i couldn't get a photo, but it was still really cool to see and i'm glad i went out to look at it! even if it felt a bit silly to be standing outside in the dark by myself at 1:30am x3

it's now 2:30pm and i have yet to open minecraft... i had spicy nuggets with ranch for lunch, then i opened miau to see they're shutting down the web version next week... which is very upsetting because the app is only available in brazil ;3; i've really been enjoying miau and i'll be really sad if i lose access to it so soon after joining. i'm really hoping it'll be put on the usa app store, but only time will tell if that ends up happening T^T i honestly might send a message to their official account just to try my luck and see if they have any plans to bring the app the the usa app store, i'll miss it that badly if not >_< anyway, i'm going to finally play minecraft now x3

update, i played for around an hour but decided to quit before i even finished gathering the materials for my house. i decided to build this house and i'm making it out of modded pink and purple wood! i really hope it turns out looking nice :3 i also plan to decorate it with lots of modded furniture ^-^ it's almost 4pm now and i think being awake half the morning is getting to me, i'm really tired... so i think i'm going to get in bed for a bit, i probably won't sleep but i just want to lay down for a while. when i get up i think i might take a shower because i need one, and depending on what time it is, maybe do something offline. i feel like all i've done the past few weeks is play video games >_<

i didn't end up taking a shower, my mom got home around 5pm and i had buffalo cauliflower and sauteed veggies for dinner :3 it was good, but i wish the cauliflower was spicy, it was more of a sweet flavor. we watched nation's dumbest while we ate as has become our routine. it's currently 8:30pm and i am... very tired. i honestly might go to bed as soon as my phone is charged. for now though, i think i'm going to open minecraft again and continue working on gathering the materials for my house, and i'll probably wait until tomorrow to start building ^-^

it's now 9:30pm and i'm about to go to bed, i started working on my house but i'm afraid it's not going to turn out looking how i wanted ;3; i'm using painted purple planks / stairs for the roof but i think they're just a bit too bright, plus the mauve logs aren't purple at all and i think it's going to clash with the rest of the build... i don't know, i'm going to finish the exterior tomorrow and if it looks too bad i'll just replace the roof and maybe strip the mauve logs, and if it still looks bad, completely rebuild >_< oh well, i'm going to bed now. goodnight!

yesterday was pretty boring as sundays tend to be. i was up late yet again and really didn't want to go to church T^T but i went, and i basically spent the whole time doing murdle puzzles. i've finished all the elementary puzzles and moved on to the occult medium difficulty, it's definitely harder... but i'm still enjoying it ^-^ i did feel like D: when i saw the ciphers at the beginning though x3 after church we ate at bob evans for lunch and i got potato soup and a grilled cheese with a diet pepsi, and i also got a slice of banana pudding pie to take home, which i ate before going to the evening service :3

after lunch, we had to go to walmart, and i went to look at the toys as always. they'd finally had a restock of toys, and they had the like nastya designed littlest pet shops! they also had series 6 blind boxes and the warrior cats series 2 blind boxes, but i decided i didn't need to spend too much money when i'm wanting to get a second build a bear, so i only ended up getting two of the like nastya littlest pet shops, and i got two cats! the whole collection is really, really cute so i would've been happy with any of them, but i was still extra happy that both were cats x3 i had never heard of this little girl before this collab, but honestly her designs are better than basic fun's...

something i did on saturday night is i joined yet another social media platform, miau! i was talking about how i missed being on bluesky in 2024 during the brazilian twitter ban because it was rare for me to see posts in english and nothing was automatically translated, so i was essentially forced to interact with posts written in portuguese without immediately translating them, and one of my brazilian friends mentioned miau was made by brazilians and that they thought i would like it, so i joined :3 it's... been slightly difficult to get into just because the website has issues and the app isn't available in the usa. i can't upload photos, so i also can't fully customize my profile, which is a very big draw of the platform. but i am trying to use it and i'm also trying to post exclusively in portuguese to force myself to practice writing in it! here is my profile for anyone who might happen to be on miau, hopefully soon i can actually finish my profile and maybe even use the app instead of the buggy website >_< update, not long after writing this, i could finally upload photos and got my profile completed ^-^ i think it turned out really cute!


all i did before evening church service was i took a short nap, got up and watched a bit of youtube, and ate my pie. after service we went straight home, i ate leftover domino's pizza for dinner and a twix bar as dessert :3 i really considered playing a date with death before bed, but i was so tired already at 9:30pm that i decided to go ahead and go to bed instead of sitting up any longer; i didn't even finish the youtube video i was watching x3

today i woke up at about noon, and ate lunch not long after waking up. i had spicy nuggets with the last bit of my diet coke from the other day, and it's now a little past 1pm. i think i'm going to light my new candle, eat the last bit of my twix bar, and start my first replay of a date with death! i think i'm going to do the two bad endings before the marriage ending, just so i can end it on a good note x3 i'm also going to use the second bad ending (since the first one ends on day three i believe) to try and get the dead roots and eavesdropping champion achievements.

update, it's 4:30pm and i've just completed the game :3 i did a lot of speeding through dialogue and stuff, since a lot of it was exactly the same, but i enjoyed seeing the other endings. honestly, i think ending 2 (which i got in my first playthrough) is still my favorite. both bad endings made me a little sad, especially the second one T^T good game, and i'm now considering getting the dlc... maybe when the autumn or winter steam sale rolls around, i'll use it to buy dlc for a few of my games. i'd like the beyond the bet dlc for a date with death, plus our life's expansion and wedding dlcs, hello kitty island adventure's city town dlc, and cult of the lamb's woolhaven dlc. i definitely won't be buying all of these at once unless they happen to all be extremely discounted, but those are all the ones i want. i've been wanting to buy the dlc for our life for ages, i need to just do it...

anyway, i think i'm going to get in bed for a bit and maybe take a nap, i have a bad headache... i pray to god i'm not getting sick again, i do not want to deal with that ;3; my candle hasn't melted all the way across, but it's pretty close and i don't think i should burn it longer, so hopefully it won't start tunneling like the others T^T

i laid in bed for quite a while but didn't end up getting any sleep. i still have a headache but i might just go to bed early tonight. it's currently almost 6:30pm, and i'm itching to start another game... i think i'm going to play pockedate, which i've just realized is called pockedate and not pokedate >_< it seems to be a fairly short game (2 hours for completionist according to howlongtobeat), plus it's one i'm really curious about. i did spin the game wheel again and got tiny bookshop, i'll probably start that tomorrow ^-^ i'll probably update on pockedate once i've finished it!

100% it in 85 minutes! a short game but i enjoyed it :3 it's definitely more "shallow" i guess you could say and not as spooky as doki doki literature club, but it was still fun to play. i would recommend it, it's free and quick, i'd say it's worth giving an hour or two of your time. getting all the endings did feel a bit repetitive at times, but the little differences were really cool!

it's now 8pm, my mom is bringing home dinner for me and i think after i eat i might go to bed, i still have a headache since i didn't manage to take a nap earlier ;3; since i'm getting closer to getting through all my unplayed games, i've been thinking about what i'll play after... i think i'm just going to once again put everything (all my unfinished games) on a wheel and try and put at least an hour into whatever it lands on each day. and i'm going to include games i didn't really like because i want to give them another chance instead of letting them rot in my library forever and ever with 45 minutes played >_<

ironic to say this here, but recently i've been wondering if i don't put way too much of myself on the internet. between this blog, my personal website, and my social media... it's way too easy for someone to know everything about me and maybe if they're serious enough about it, find out where i live. my digital footprint isn't exactly small... i put so much of myself online because it's hard for me to be myself or feel understood offline, as silly as that feels to say when i'm a grown adult and not a fourteen year old; i'm transgender and gay and i live in a pretty conservative area and don't have any friends in real life. i don't know, i love being online and i love this blog, but sometimes when i take a step back and think about just how online i am and how anyone in the world can see what i'm posting, it makes me start to feel really paranoid and like i need to delete everything i've ever put the internet, which i'm sure isn't possible. granted, i imagine this blog isn't read by more than five people, if it's read by anyone at all. going back to what i said about posting a youtube video the other day; even though that isn't my intention with wanting to post on youtube, i've always dreamed of being a content creator since i was like thirteen. but the idea of it terrifies me because again, i have a huge digital footprint and put so much of myself online. becoming a content creator no matter how small is just opening myself up even more to weirdos on the internet, and i feel like if i did do it i would have to first delete as much of my current and past online presence as i can, just in case. it sounds silly because i honestly don't have any plans of becoming a content creator, so the fear is completely irrational, but still. recently i've kept getting the urge to delete all my old twitter accounts and maybe even other social media like tumblr or instagram. i've had so, so many social media accounts and a lot of them are still up, and it makes me super anxious thinking about the things i could've posted and don't remember that could easily be traced back to my current accounts and used against me in some way. ugh, i'm just getting paranoid now, i need to move on...

my food is here so i think i'm going to post this, eat, and go to bed. sorry to end it on such a negative note T^T goodnight!

yesterday i woke up around 11am as has become my routine, and i decided to start my day by finishing tell me why! i successfully finished it around 2pm and decided to eat lunch, i had spicy nuggets with ranch :3

i'm going to spoil tell me why so if you don't want spoilers... skip this paragraph x3 i really liked this game a lot, more than i expected to. i went with tom's version of the event because it seemed like the more plausible truth considering everything like the barn loft and how mary-ann did everything she could for tyler and alyson. she clearly cared for both of them and i think her harming tyler wouldn't make any sense, even if she was struggling with mental illness / substance abuse and the fear of losing her children. of course, i felt really bad about how that choice affected alyson, who already felt guilt over mary-ann's death and now believes she killed her mother for no reason. it's all just very sad and emotional ;3; i also chose not to tell eddy the truth about alyson killing mary-ann, so i got tyler's epilogue. oh, and obviously i had no choice but to kiss michael :p i have 10/30 achievements i missed, i'll probably have to replay most if not all of the game for those unfortunately, but i think i'll do that another time instead of worrying about doing it before i play something else. hopefully a replay won't take quite as long though since i can just skip cutscenes and don't have to obsessively interact with everything x3

pausing to spin the wheel and see what i'll be playing next... a date with death! this game seems to be more similar to our life than other dating games i've played, aka you have one specific love interest rather than a pool of different routes to choose from. it also has a pretty nice amount of character customization features from what i can see on the store page and it lets you play as any gender, which is always nice when dating games typically lock you into being a woman (i'm looking at you, mystic messenger). i think the game that does this best that i've played is definitely our life, not only can you choose your character's appearance, name, and pronouns, but there's also scenes where you can explicitly choose whether your character is cis, transgender, or intersex, and where you can choose what their body looks like. i believe the clothing options are also not affected by what gender and pronouns you choose, which is very cool :3

honestly, i'd really like to replay our life eventually, i loved it so much when i played it and even got hyperfixated on it and would spend hours and hours playing it every day x3 cove is one of my f/os as well, i may have gotten a little attached to him... that game is also pretty cool because while it is pretty romance heavy if you choose to go that route, you can also choose to be just friends or even be completely indifferent toward cove the entire time, which i think is interesting. i unsurprisingly went all in on romance, so i'm curious to replay and see what changes when you choose to be friends or indifferent. the game is fairly long though for a free game, i played it once and have over 15 hours of playtime, so we'll see when i end up feeling up to a replay.

after lunch i have zero idea where most of the next few hours went? i finally cleaned off my desk, it's had a giant mountain of trash and random stuff on it for ages but it's finally clean! hopefully it stays that way and i don't end up piling a bunch of stuff up again T^T here's what it looks like now, so much nicer :3 i took a shower when i was done and then it was somehow 5pm... i decided to get in bed and attempt to take a short nap before church because i was absolutely exhausted for some reason.


church was... oh boy. i was already tired and had a headache before we even got there, but i really think those kids were wilder than they have ever been. we had five kids and it felt more like a full classroom of 30. granted, four of them had went back to school yesterday, so that probably explains it, but i really thought class would never end... when we got home, i ate dinner (leftover Pepper Slop) and then went straight to bed.

today i've just woken up a little before noon. okay so i wrote that singular sentence and it is now 1:30pm x3 i had pepper slop yet again for lunch, then went digging through my old main account tweets looking for something specific that i didn't find and just retweeted a bunch of random stuff instead >_< i don't really feel like playing a video game today, though i might still play a date with death in the evening if i feel up to it. right now i'm not really sure what to do instead... i've spent so much time the past few weeks playing video games i've forgotten all my other hobbies x3

i ended up digging through my clothes and found a couple skirts i haven't worn in ages, i need to wear them before summer is over and it gets cold again! they're kinda short though >_< one is a pleated jean skirt i honestly don't know if i've ever worn, it's really cute... maybe i'll wear it when we go out for my birthday or something :3 i also have a pair of jeans that i'm pretty sure are from last christmas and have never been worn because they're way too long T^T we should be going to my grandparents' for dinner tonight so i'll probably take them over and ask if my grandma can shorten them so i can finally wear them.

it's currently 3:30pm and i feel like i've done a whole lot of nothing today T^T but... i'm so tired i think i'm going to lay in bed and stare at my phone for a while... i don't really feel like doing anything else right now ;3;

8pm update :3 i ended up sitting around until my mom got home, and then we went to my grandparents' for dinner. i took the jeans for my grandma to shorten, i can't wait to be able to finally wear them ^-^ for dinner i had mac and cheese (with hot sauce) and sauteed veggies, and a grape gatorade zero to drink. i'm usually not a grape flavor kind of person, but this gatorade is actually really good. something else i did before going over was burned my fiji white sands candle for probably two or three hours, i was hoping it would fix the tunneling but it didn't ;3; the wick was too short so i poured out the melted wax when i was done burning it, hopefully now the tunneled part will melt? i don't know, i'm not a very good candle user >_< i think i'm actually going to try burning it for a while right now to see if that fixes it, and i'm going to start playing a date with death! i'd honestly really like to get a new candle, i'd especially love a woodwick one but those are so expensive and i don't think i've ever seen a small one, which i would need because my desk is so small. maybe next time we go to walmart or somewhere i'll try and find one :3

oh, something i realized while i was looking at my unplayed steam games earlier, pokedate is a horror game! i really thought this whole time that it was just a regular dating sim, but no... now i'm eager to play it, i really liked doki doki literature club and this seems pretty similar in the horror visual novel sense ^-^

update, i played the first two days of a date with death, i didn't think i was going to like it at first but it's already growing on me! the grim reaper is actually pretty cute... he even has an axolotl plushie x3 it'll probably be very easy for me to fall in love with him, it usually is when i play dating games :p i think i'm going to go to bed now, it's 10pm and i'm getting very tired. goodnight!

yesterday i once again slept in way too late, i didn't get up until 1:30pm T^T we had to clean the church, so i didn't do a whole lot for most of the day because i was waiting for us to leave. i messed around on social media for a while and then ate lunch, tortilla soup with an orange cream flavored popz, around 3pm, and did a few pixel cat's end adventures after. we finally left to go to the church around 4-5pm, and got home around 8pm. i got a taco bell grilled cheese burrito and nacho fries for dinner with a wendy's diet orange cream soda to drink. very yummy as always :3 i watched this video while i ate, i found it really funny because the guy really looks like a gay mr. beast x3 which is funnier since so much of his content is begging for money or wanting women to flirt with him, kinda the opposite of a gay man or mr. beast... i finished the video after dinner, and then decided to start my ending b playthrough of endacopia!

i can't decide what i want to play after i finish endacopia. i think i might genuinely just put all my unplayed games into a wheel and spin it because i have quite a few of them and i have no idea what to play next. most of them are free dating games so i'll probably end up playing a dating game x3 here's my list of unplayed games if anyone cares: dark nights, a date with death, the deed, the deed: dynasty (i'd probably play both of these one after the other, especially if i enjoyed the first one), graveyard keeper, killer chat!, pokedate!, tell me why, and tiny bookshop. the only ones of these i know anything about are tiny bookshop because i played the demo, and tell me why because i watched ranboo play it years ago. i don't really remember anything at all about tell me why though, so it'll still be a basically blind playthrough x3 the rest i'll be going into 100% blind! eventually i should really start working my way through my epic games library, i have so many free games and i've only played a couple, one being jackbox >_<

my main goal when starting my endacopia replay was getting the footwork master achievement; i managed to get up to a score of 70 on my first run, but ended up giving up after spending what felt like an hour trying and failing to reach 100. i'd seen a few guides on how to cheat it by using an autoclicker of some kind, but that felt like too much work so i was determined to get it on my own x3 and i finally succeeded after about 35 minutes of trying! it was difficult and annoying but i'm proud i was able to do it :p for anyone who might see this post and also struggle, what helped me was actually focusing on the score number instead of the ball or mellow! something about counting the number as it went up really helped me set and keep the rhythm i needed. i also got the natural brawler achievement, that one i did kinda cheat by just fighting the cat wizard over and over since it's probably the easiest fight in the game. after getting that one and doing a few things to start moving along in the story, i decided to go to bed around 11pm.

i was awake pretty late (definitely past 2am), but it was easier than i expected to get up for church this morning x3 i stayed in the nursery while my mom sang in the choir and one kid dumped all his baby puffs on the floor and then was eating them off the floor >_< i considered staying in the nursery but i ended up going back out to church since they didn't really need two kids and three adults. i did sudoku puzzles during church, i really need to get a new puzzle book... sudoku is fun but i'm getting a little bored of it T^T i wish i could take my murdle book but it's big and bulky and definitely wouldn't fit in my backpack ;3; honestly, i miss having a word search book, that takes a lot less brain power than sudoku x3

after church we both really wanted to go home to take a nap so we ordered lunch from subway. i got the veggie delite (with no tomato and add mustard :3) and got it as a meal with two cookies and a pepsi zero to drink! i only ate half my sandwich for lunch and one cookie before getting in bed for my nap.

it's currently 8pm and i just got home from evening church service! i ended up taking my murdle book tonight after all and it definitely helped the service go by faster, plus it was fun :D i'm still on the easy puzzles, i think i'm on #12 or around there, i'm curious to see how much more difficult the harder difficulties are because sometimes i confuse myself with the easy ones >_< my plan for the evening is basically just eat dinner and then play some endacopia :3 i'd really like to finish ending b tonight but we'll see if i get that far. i really wish there were simple text walkthroughs to follow for this game so i could do what i did with my second run of oneshot and just speed through and not have to try and remember everything i'm supposed to do... i'll definitely have to follow a guide of some kind for ending c, hopefully i can find one that's easy enough to follow >_<

for dinner i'm having the leftover half of my subway sandwich and my other cookie from lunch, with a shirley temple to drink :3 it's another poppi-adjacent brand called slice? there's so many different brands of "healthy" soda x3 personally i don't know anything about how much healthier they actually are compared to regular soda, i just drink them because 1. i like low / zero sugar sodas and 2. i like how many different flavors they have. one of the popz cans i have is rainbow sherbet flavor! regular sodas just don't come in cool flavors like that, they're all the same few flavors T^T

10:30pm update, i finished endacopia ending b :3 it was... so much more sad than ending a ;3; again, no spoilers as the game is still pretty new so i don't want to end up spoiling it for anyone who might plan to play and hasn't yet. between the two i definitely prefer ending a, it was so cute and sweet and ending b made me sad T^T i'm very curious about ending c since it seems to be pretty different from the other two... i'll probably play that one tomorrow and that'll be endacopia completed! which will be pretty bittersweet because i've really enjoyed this game :'3

i think i'm going to go ahead and go to bed, i'm pretty tired. this post is really short and is mainly just me talking about the same video game the whole time x3 i guess my sunday posts tend to be pretty boring anyway and not doing much yesterday doesn't really help. tomorrow i think i'll play endacopia ending c as mentioned and i might start another new game if that doesn't take too long. wait, let me go ahead and do that putting my unplayed games on a wheel thing... and the winner is tell me why! i don't really play games with 3d graphics like that much at all, so i'm curious if i'll like it. it also looks like a game that's going to take at least two playthroughs to 100%, so we'll see if i end up deciding to 100% it before playing a new game or not.

hopefully my next post will be more interesting and varied in its topics, and hopefully i have some pictures to add as well! goodnight :3

i didn't end up finishing endacopia yesterday night because it was pretty late while i was playing and then the power went out... playing a horror game while in the pitch dark and dead silence made me super paranoid so i had to quit and go to bed >_< i'm such a paranoid person, i only like horror in the daytime x3 when i watched marble hornets a few years ago (which i should really rewatch soon, i love it so much), i wouldn't walk home from my grandparents' house alone because i was paranoid of the operator being in the woods and that it would get me... grown adult by the way. i truly don't think i would ever survive living alone, i'd constantly be asking people to come over just so i wouldn't be by myself to appease my paranoia.

anyway, since i didn't finish it the night before, i planned to finish it yesterday not long after i woke up. i woke up around 11am though, so i decided to wait until after i'd had lunch, and just kind of messed around on social media and watched jamlabs' new video until it was lunchtime. i had rose buldak for lunch and then finished endacopia! i got ending a, no spoilers since it's such a new game, but the ending was so cute ;3; i really liked this game a lot, as mentioned i'm not big on horror but endacopia was such a nice experience, a great blend of cute and unsettling! i struggled a bit with the final boss fight but it only took me about five tries to beat it, so not too hard :3 eventually i'll play again to get the other two endings and the achievements, but this first playthrough took me eight hours so it'll probably be a while before i do that.

after finishing endacopia, i was so tired i decided to take a nap. i slept for quite a while and woke up around 6pm. after getting up, i really considered doing something like coloring or doing pixel cat's end adventuring... but i ended up starting oneshot instead >_< i was worried about the refund period and here i am finishing all three games in the span of a week x3 i'm not sure what i'm going to do once i finish oneshot and have no more new games to play... i might replay papers please to get the last achievement i need to 100%, then start playing tiny bookshop! i mentioned this in one of my last few posts, but i've owned tiny bookshop for almost a year now... i really liked the demo, so i'm not sure why it's taken me so long to finally pick up the full game after buying it.

i played oneshot for around two hours before quitting for dinner and because my sister was home. i had a baked potato for dinner and we watched my 600 pound life while we ate x3 i've never watched that show before but it truly fascinates me. i genuinely cannot comprehend how someone gets to that level of obesity without... i don't know, dying? the episode we watched most of the woman's weight was in her stomach and it literally almost touched the floor when she stood up... i can't imagine how painful that would be. it all just kind of baffles me, the amount of calories you have to be consuming in a day to not only get to but maintain a weight of 600+ pounds has to be insane, i just don't really understand how it's possible.

it's now wednesday as i write this in notepad on my computer, since i've lost the ability to write directly into dreamwidth... the power went out yesterday somewhere around 6-8pm, and is still off now at almost 1pm the next day. as of this morning, we have no estimated recovery time and for places like columbus the estimated time is friday... so we'll see when i end up actually being able to post this T^T

i can't remember the last thing i mentioned in what i was writing yesterday. i don't think i'd actually even finished what i was writing about monday, but i genuinely can't remember what else i did on monday either ;3; yesterday i woke up at about noon, and i started my day by doing the trash because it was storming in the morning and i needed to get it done in case it stormed again (spoiler warning: it did). i took a shower after, and then had rose buldak again for lunch. after lunch, i picked up oneshot again.

i don't think i mentioned before how much i like this game so far. i have had to look things up a few times already, but that's probably a me problem because i'm bad at puzzles and not a problem with the game itself. some things i really like are how the game uses things on your computer and how it does things like recognizes when you close and reopen the game and has niko react to it or talks to you directly through popups and the in-game computers. i thought it was so cool when it changed my wallpaper x3 and i love a game that references the player as an outside source from the character you play as, like deltarune and the player being the soul instead of kris, or even how undertale remembers your past playthroughs and changes things accordingly. i'd really love to find some other games that do this; as mentioned in one of my past posts i do believe off is a game that does this, i might have to buy it next time it's on sale.

i'd also like to play some more games that affect your computer or pull things from it, like kinitopet! i have seen entire gameplay of kinitopet though, both in streamer mode and the full version on youtube, so i'm not sure if it's actually worth playing myself since i already know everything that happens which will of course lower the effect of the horror. maybe i'll look it up or make a reddit post once i actually have internet again to see if i can find similar games >_<

anyway, while i was playing oneshot, the power went out. it was storming very, very hard and apparently there was a tornado that touched down not too far from our house, which is super scary. when my mom got home i went with her to pick up dinner and we drove past where the tornado went through, you could see its path through the corn field and the trees, and we even saw part of a roof up in a tree. for dinner we got wendy's and i got cheese fries and a cinabon pull-aparts with a diet orange cream soda to drink.

i planned to play some more oneshot after dinner, but it refused to open because it couldn't sync with steam cloud ;3; usually it gives you a popup saying it can't connect and gives you the option to open anyway, but it didn't do that for me last night, so i wasn't able to play. i ended up pulling my dusty switch out and finally picking up tomodachi life again! i didn't play for long because i got bored of it surprisingly quickly considering how long it had been since i last played, but my friend's mii finally confessed her feelings to cove holden only for my mii to interrupt. i really thought my mii was finally going to find love and it would actually be with one of my f/os... no. he chose her mii instead. my poor, poor miiself cannot catch a break when it comes to romance x3 on my qsmp island, cellbit has a crush on roier! which is pretty cute since they were a canon couple on the server, the only problem being that roier is currently sweethearts with pac, coincidentally after cellbit confessed to pac and roier interrupted... this poor guy is having about as much luck as my miiself is x3

i might play some more tomodachi life today and see if cellbit wants to confess to roier, i've only had a mii confess to another mii who was already in a relationship one other time and it didn't work out, so i'm wondering if it's possible for them to break up with their current sweetheart for someone else. i'd look it up, but alas...

i didn't do much else last night before going to bed, i did play a little bit of minecraft on my switch though when i couldn't sleep. i mainly play java minecraft, so i'm always so surprised when playing on switch just how long it takes to do Anything At All on console >_< even just turning and walking takes longer because of using a joystick, and don't get me started on doing things like crafting and building. it just feels so much slower which is why i'm very hesitant to ever be awake or in a cave when there are monsters i'll have to fight... i might end up switching into peaceful mode soon :p

today i woke up a little after noon. i'm home alone because my mom has gone back to work and my dad left for a work trip this morning. i'd usually be happy to be home alone, but currently it just makes the house feel even more silent and dark, and makes me feel even more bored out of my mind. not having internet is pretty annoying in itself, but everything offline i think "oh, i could do this" about requires light! i have no internet and no light and i literally can't do anything T^T even my computer i'm writing this on right now is getting a pretty low battery so it'll probably be dead by tonight or tomorrow, my phone is currently a brick because it's dead, and my switch battery i doubt will last much longer either ;3; so once i don't have any of those, i'm not sure what i'll do with myself since i don't have the light i need to do anything offline.

i'm getting hungry so i need to eat lunch soon, i'm going to have fruit because that's basically all i can have with no way of cooking >_< i'm very likely going to start my period today, i was supposed to start yesterday and i'm cramping pretty bad. i decided days ago that if i started yesterday or today that i wasn't going to go to church tonight, because the last thing i want to do on the first couple days of my period is work with little kids... but i might have to go either way just so i can charge my phone and be able to be online for at least a little while and eat some real food >_< if i do go, i think i'm going to take my phone charger with me so i can charge it during church so it'll hopefully be at 100% by the time we head home. i'm also hoping we'll actually stop and eat dinner somewhere instead of just picking it up and going home to eat in the dark again x3 i wish my laptop wasn't so big and bulky so i could easily take it to charge as well, but it's too big to carry into church and the thought of leaving it in the car for over an hour makes me anxious, so i think i'm just gonna have to live without it once it dies T^T

well, it's currently past 1:30pm and my battery is getting pretty low so i'm going to quit writing and go eat lunch, and after i'll probably play some tomodachi life and/or minecraft!

update, it's almost 5pm and the power has come back on! it's still raining, so it is possible it'll go back out, so i might go ahead and post this before i leave for church just in case >_< i'm very happy to have the power and internet back, you don't realize how much everything you do requires either the internet or light until you don't have either one... for lunch i had an apple and a peach, then i played a bit of tomodachi life and minecraft until around 3pm. i was incredibly bored after putting that down so i decided to finally try out the murdle book i bought months ago when we visited the book loft in columbus. the easy puzzles i've done so far are pretty easy and fun! i did that for around an hour and then i was about to sit down at my desk to figure out something else to do when my lamp came on and the rest of the house followed x3

my mom brought me home dinner, mac and cheese plus some waffle fries and hushpuppies from her own dinner, and a diet coke :3 it's 5:30pm now and i just finished eating, i'll probably have to get ready for church once i'm done writing this. i did start my period, but i decided i might as well go to church since i feel fine and i am starting to feel a little stir crazy being cooped up in the house for over a week. it started storming again though it's nowhere near as bad as it was yesterday, so hopefully the power doesn't go back out while we're gone T^T

something i forgot to mention about yesterday, waterparks announced their smaller shows tour and there's a show in ohio (specifically lakewood / cleveland)! i was sure i wasn't getting tickets, especially after the power went out, but i successfully got some last night when we went to pick up dinner, and i'm so glad i did because by the time the power came back on today the show had sold out. one of my closest friends lives in michigan and is coming to cleveland for the same show, so we'll be able to meet in person again! waterparks is how we became friends so it's so exciting that we'll be seeing them together <3 i currently do not have anyone to go with, hopefully my sister can go but if not i'll be asking everyone i know until i find someone who's free that night and willing to go with me >_<

i need to get ready for church now so i'm going to go ahead and post this! what i do after church tonight really depends on if we still have power when we get home... if we do, i'm going to play and maybe try to finish oneshot! if not, i'll probably play clangen or something until i get tired or my computer battery dies. hopefully we do have power though x3 goodnight in advance!

i woke up at noon yesterday, and decided to start my day with a shower. i'm starting to get really tired of being sick, especially having my nose run all day long, and i hoped a hot and steaming shower would help. thankfully, it did! at least for a little while... i really, really hate being sick, my mom always says i get man colds because all i do is complain and act like i'm dying x3 if you can't tell by my last few blog posts though, i'm not as sick this week as i usually am. i don't think i actually have covid either, last time i had it i felt like i was on my deathbed and i've been up and doing stuff every day so far. that doesn't make it any less annoying to be sick of course, and i hope i'm feeling better in the next few days so my suffering will finally end T^T i actually got sick around this time last year as you can see by my old blog posts, and i was sick again within a week after recovering... i hope and pray that doesn't happen this time ;3;

anyway, after my shower, i felt a little woozy so i ate lunch. i had another microwaved pizza... my diet really is terrible, i need to do something about that... the pizza was good though :3 i scrolled the build a bear subreddit for a bit after i ate, seeing people get the halloween drop is making me so jealous >_< the bat kitty looks so cute, i can't wait to get mine! if they have the spider when we go for my birthday, i can't guarantee i won't go home with one. i keep saying i want to get a normal bipedal build a bear so i can buy whatever clothes i want for it without having to worry about if they fit, yet the new ones i'm being drawn toward are the spider and the silly goose >_<

around 2pm i decided to play more sensuki! i ended up going with guapoduo for the ship, they turned out so cute :3 this game is pretty fun, though if i had to recommend it, it definitely wouldn't be at the full 17$usd price. it has some iffy content like noncon and apparently incest? but there's a filter to hide that stuff. it also very clearly was written in chinese and translated into english. if you can't get past poorly translated english, definitely pass on this game, it's pretty bad. i mostly like this game for the merch collecting and ita bag creating aspect, the poor translation makes it a little difficult to enjoy the main story or the fanfic writing too much. when i played on wednesday night, i had a racecar drivers story that took me ages to finish because it went through all 20+ races with basically the same thing happening every time. i saw someone say they use ai for the fanfics, but i don't think that's the case, because as i mentioned there's quite a bit of repetition that i can't imagine an ai would write. however, i do think it's more believable that ai was used for the english translation, as it is pretty terrible. i don't entirely hate ai translation, especially compared to using ai for the writing; obviously it would be much better to have humans translate so it's written better, but i think people are too quick to demonize ai translation when tools like google translate have existed for ages. i played for around an hour before deciding i wanted to take a nap.


i laid in bed for a while but didn't end up getting any sleep ;3; which was frustrating because all i want to do is sleep off this illness. i was starting to feel miserable at this point, i felt like i should've been starting to feel better since i'd been sick since monday, but instead i just felt worse. i wasn't coughing as much as on wednesday, but i was having terrible sinus pressure that was making my eyes hurt, plus my nose just would not stop running. being sick is actual torture.

i decided i really needed a distraction from how sick i felt, so i jumped back into papers please. i once again had to backtrack a few days after realizing i missed something; this time, i'd missed letting in the ezic agent on day 17. i'd also like to get the class 5 apartment achievement, but even with the easy mode crutch i'm struggling to afford class 6... not spending on food a few days helped me afford it, though. i ended up successfully getting two new achievements, republia token and hired rifle! apparently republia token is a rare achievement, i'm surprised this game has rare achievements considering how old it is...

after getting the hired rifle achievement, i logged off because my mom was bringing home dinner. i got (act surprised) taco bell, and we watched the new episode of nation's dumbest while we ate. we were both so confused by the challenge where they had to get four liters out of a three and five liters pitchers, it made us feels so dumb x3 we had to listen to the explanation three times before we both finally understood how to do it, i don't think either of us would have gotten it if we were on the show >_<

after dinner, since i hadn't done any all day, i decided to do some pixel cat's end adventures... but i ended up only doing one before going to bed T^T

good morning, guess who is still sick! what a shocker! i didn't cough much yesterday, but i'm back to coughing like crazy today ;3; my nose is still stuffed, but at least so far it isn't running. i'd prefer being able to breathe though >_< i just woke up at 11am and i'm so tired; even being sick, i don't think i've gone to sleep once this week before 3am. and i wonder why i'm not feeling better yet... i really need to start drinking something other than diet cola with my dinner T^T

my complaints aside, i get paid for photocards today >:3 tempted to immediately spend like half of it on build a bear and steam... i think i'm not going to buy anything besides the bat kitty from build a bear, and we'll see when we go for my birthday if they have any of the mini beans and other friends i was thinking about getting. i'm incredibly indecisive and i'm sure the decision will be easier once i've seen them in person. i've also added the werewolf to my "i want this" list... i wasn't super interested in it until i started seeing people on reddit get theirs >_< i need to leave that subreddit, it's so bad for me x3

it's currently 2pm, and so far i've mostly just done a lot of sitting around. i did eat lunch around 1pm, my last earth grown packet (pad thai). i'm starting to feel pms symptoms, which isn't surprising since i'm supposed to start on tuesday, but it's making me feel even more bleh than i already felt from being sick. if i'm not recovered by tuesday (i pray i am, it'll have been over a week by that point) and have to deal with being sick and on the first day of my period at the same time... you might see me on the news.

oh, i did get the payment for the photocards! i am now 160$ richer >:3 unfortunately it won't go into the bank until wednesday, i think i might go ahead and buy my steam games since only one of them will still be on sale by then. i don't think the bat kitty selling out online is something i'm going to have to worry about, especially for less than a week. i might eat these words, but that's for future me to deal with x3 i am going to attempt to finish papers please first before i buy the other games so i don't inevitably either abandon papers please completely or go past the 14-day refund period before trying out any of the new games. none of them seem like games i'll want to refund, but i'd like to have the option just in case.

i played papers please for a few hours and got every achievement except glory to arstotzka! i'm going to have to replay pretty much the whole game (at least days 8-31) for that one, so i'm not in a rush to get it x3 it was pretty difficult at times, but i really liked this game! it's a little... dystopian in how relevant it still is 13 years after its release, and some aspects definitely made me feel icky (which is of course the point), but it was still pretty enjoyable to play x3

because i'd successfully almost completed papers please, i decided to go ahead and buy those games i wanted today! and... steam's checkout is down. you cannot be serious T^T i haven't bought games on steam since december, and haven't put money in my wallet since october. what do you mean i went nearly a year without buying games and the day i decide to finally treat myself and buy some i physically can't check out. this feels very targeted and i am upset >:( while i wait for it to come back up so i can finally make my purchase, i'm going to watch ranboo's stream :3 they're watching all of the walten files which i haven't watched in quite a while and i haven't seen the new episodes, so i'm excited! i don't follow the series at all, so i'm not sure if the current season is like... completed? or if the whole series is completed? but i guess i'll find out :p

my mom went to the county fair with my grandma and aunt (and maybe some of my cousins but i'm not sure), i decided to stay home since i'm still sick, and i'm glad i did because it's storming and now i get to watch ranboo x3 she's bringing me home a fried cheese and a funnel cake :D i've wanted a fried cheese since before the fair started because we were driving past it and i was like "ugh, a fried cheese sounds so good..." then my grandma told me about getting a funnel cake for my grandpa and that made me want that too x3 i just talked about how i need to eat healthier and now my dinner is going to be a fried cheese and a funnel cake...

got my games purchased and downloaded! i might start playing one of them tomorrow if not tonight, depending on how long ranboo's stream is ^-^ i don't really have any kind of plan of which one i want to play first, so i might just put them on a wheel and spin it for real this time x3

something i forgot to mention, i've actually been feeling quite a bit better the last few hours! i'm still a little sniffly and coughing a bit, but i definitely feel better than i did this morning or especially yesterday. i really hope this means i'll wake up tomorrow or at least sunday completely recovered. i'll probably stay home from church sunday even if all i'm doing is coughing, i don't want to be coughing all through the service T^T i have started to feel worse again after thinking i was recovering in the past, so as much as i'm hoping for it, i'm not going to assume i'll be better in the next few days >_<

it's 10:30pm and ranboo is still live so i think i'm going to just go on to bed once their stream is over! i'm going to go ahead and post this now :3 goodnight!