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yesterday i slept just as horribly as i predicted T^T i didn't get in bed until 3am, and then didn't fall asleep until 6am. horrible, but i somehow still managed to wake up by 11am.
during those three hours past midnight that i was up, i did exactly what i said i would and spent the entire time geneing peas and running adventures; i managed to get 900 lost buttons (the equivalent of nine silver gifts) before the first day of candlelight even really started. i was also able to get every outcome of the first day's token pets on chicken smoothie without pulling any doubles!
i started my day after actually getting some sleep by jumping straight back into the adventuring-peas-tokens grind for around two hours. i finally paused to eat lunch at about 1pm and had my rooster's leftovers and some blueberries. after eating, i went right back to adventuring and geneing peas, but decided i needed a break around 2pm. at this point i had 1400 buttons and 8 silver gifts to my name, well on track to reach 100 by the end of the week! i can only hope i don't lose steam and burn myself out on it like i tend to do. at the rate i'm going right now, i'll need to get around nine or ten silver gifts (or the equivalent amount of buttons) each day until the end of the week; which seems easy enough, except for the fact that two of those days are sundays, which are very busy for me and i'm usually not home for long if at all until around 8-9pm. it's not the end of the world if i don't reach my goal, but it would be so satisfying to finally be able to reach it almost two real life years after the first candlelight.
i played minecraft for a while and may have used chunkbase and switching game modes to go through bastions and trial chambers looking for music discs. i'm so glad i didn't decide to do that in survival because oh my goodness... i think i teleported myself to about 15 bastions before i finally found pigstep. by the time i found it i was one fail away from just giving it to myself because i was convinced i would never find it. thankfully, it didn't take nearly as much work to find creator (music box) and precipice, but i wasn't able to find creator before i logged off. i really thought since i was cheating that pigstep would be the easiest to find but i was dead wrong... i never want to do that again T^T now, other than the few creeper discs i didn't get yet and creator, i just need otherside, 5, relic, and lava chicken. maybe when the 26.3 update is out i'll update this world and find bounce as well ^-^
when i logged off of minecraft, i went with my mom to get dinner; my dad wanted a footer hotdog and milkshake so we went to a local ice cream shop and i got a peanut butter and marshmallow milkshake, it was so good *^* for my dinner we stopped at taco bell and i got my usual black bean grilled cheese burrito. after eating dinner, i did pixel cat's end adventuring and pea game until around 7:30pm, then took a shower. i did a few more pea games and adopted my pets from the chicken smoothie rollover and decided i was done with pixel cat's end for the night because i had spent most of my day staring at it and i was getting bored of it. i finished the day with 2000 buttons and ten silver gifts, a pretty good start for getting to 100 gifts! since i knew i wouldn't really have time to play today, i decided to play some more minecraft before going to bed. i successfully found every other music disc i needed except lava chicken! ruins was incredibly difficult even with creative and chunkbase, the trail ruins being mostly underground doesn't help with the already low chance of getting a music disc T^T i guess now i have to face my fears and start going caving outside of peaceful mode so i can hopefully find a chicken jockey...
today was a pretty typical sunday. we didn't have sunday school, i assume because of the parking lot, but we did have regular church. i did my sudoku puzzles through the service like i usually do, and after church we went to applebee's for lunch. i had a quesadilla burger with fries, my mom told me i should get the o-m-cheese burger but i was embarrassed to order it for some reason >_< plus, when i know what i like, i don't usually like to deviate from my set order. to drink i got a dragon fruit margarita mocktail. it was really good, but very sour x3 we went straight home after lunch and i went straight to bed for a nap because i was so tired, even though i got over six hours of sleep last night. i slept all afternoon until it was time to go back to church for the evening service.
the evening service was... well, it was something. upsetting, to say the least. long story short, a pastor was revealed to have had "relations" with a teenage boy (i don't want to go too deep into it because i like to keep this blog safe for work), and that's what the service was based on. what made me so upset is the preacher focused more on the fact that it was a boy (aka homosexuality is an abomination type stuff) than the fact that it was a child. he did focus on that fact a bit, but so much of it was just homophobia. i can't imagine even if i was unsupportive of lgbt, which i'm obviously not since i myself am queer, ever considering homosexuality worse than pedophilia. it just all disgusted and upset me so much. i like to think i'm distanced enough from religion to not be bothered anymore by religion based homophobia, but at the end of the day the people i hear it from the most are people who claim to love me. i can't help feeling depressed over the idea that it's basically impossible for me to come out to even my own blood relatives without it causing problems or them taking back their love and support for me. that's something that will always hurt.
i really wish i could just stop going to church all together. i don't believe in god or christianity or any religion at all, and the homophobia and similar stuff really upsets me. but... i'm afraid of telling my mother i want to stop going. i already feel like i'm the disappointment child, being almost 26 and still living at home with no job, and i know telling her i'm atheist or even just that i don't want to go to church anymore will hurt her. i know this is the kind of situation i should prioritize my own comfort in, but i can't help it; i'm a people pleaser who hates confrontation and the thought of upsetting my mother fills me with so much guilt. she already cried when i told her i "don't know" if i'm a christian, blatantly saying i'm an atheist would be so much worse. i don't know. i'm moving on, i'm tired of thinking about this.
it's currently almost 10pm. when i got home from church, i ate half my leftovers for dinner and started adventuring on pixel cat's end. i've been doing some pea games throughout the day, but so far i've only gathered about 400 lost buttons, which isn't much compared to how many i should be getting each day if i want to reach 100 gifts by the end of the week. i do have a headache though, so i probably won't stay up much longer. i forgot to mention, we stopped at family dollar on the way home from church and i got creamsicle ice cream :3 it's not as good as i wanted it to be and i wish they had actual creamsicles, but it's okay.
update, it's almost 11:30pm now, so i'm going to go to bed! i'm ending the night with 2600 buttons and 14 silver gifts, not great but not horrible either. goodnight :3
during those three hours past midnight that i was up, i did exactly what i said i would and spent the entire time geneing peas and running adventures; i managed to get 900 lost buttons (the equivalent of nine silver gifts) before the first day of candlelight even really started. i was also able to get every outcome of the first day's token pets on chicken smoothie without pulling any doubles!
i started my day after actually getting some sleep by jumping straight back into the adventuring-peas-tokens grind for around two hours. i finally paused to eat lunch at about 1pm and had my rooster's leftovers and some blueberries. after eating, i went right back to adventuring and geneing peas, but decided i needed a break around 2pm. at this point i had 1400 buttons and 8 silver gifts to my name, well on track to reach 100 by the end of the week! i can only hope i don't lose steam and burn myself out on it like i tend to do. at the rate i'm going right now, i'll need to get around nine or ten silver gifts (or the equivalent amount of buttons) each day until the end of the week; which seems easy enough, except for the fact that two of those days are sundays, which are very busy for me and i'm usually not home for long if at all until around 8-9pm. it's not the end of the world if i don't reach my goal, but it would be so satisfying to finally be able to reach it almost two real life years after the first candlelight.
i played minecraft for a while and may have used chunkbase and switching game modes to go through bastions and trial chambers looking for music discs. i'm so glad i didn't decide to do that in survival because oh my goodness... i think i teleported myself to about 15 bastions before i finally found pigstep. by the time i found it i was one fail away from just giving it to myself because i was convinced i would never find it. thankfully, it didn't take nearly as much work to find creator (music box) and precipice, but i wasn't able to find creator before i logged off. i really thought since i was cheating that pigstep would be the easiest to find but i was dead wrong... i never want to do that again T^T now, other than the few creeper discs i didn't get yet and creator, i just need otherside, 5, relic, and lava chicken. maybe when the 26.3 update is out i'll update this world and find bounce as well ^-^
when i logged off of minecraft, i went with my mom to get dinner; my dad wanted a footer hotdog and milkshake so we went to a local ice cream shop and i got a peanut butter and marshmallow milkshake, it was so good *^* for my dinner we stopped at taco bell and i got my usual black bean grilled cheese burrito. after eating dinner, i did pixel cat's end adventuring and pea game until around 7:30pm, then took a shower. i did a few more pea games and adopted my pets from the chicken smoothie rollover and decided i was done with pixel cat's end for the night because i had spent most of my day staring at it and i was getting bored of it. i finished the day with 2000 buttons and ten silver gifts, a pretty good start for getting to 100 gifts! since i knew i wouldn't really have time to play today, i decided to play some more minecraft before going to bed. i successfully found every other music disc i needed except lava chicken! ruins was incredibly difficult even with creative and chunkbase, the trail ruins being mostly underground doesn't help with the already low chance of getting a music disc T^T i guess now i have to face my fears and start going caving outside of peaceful mode so i can hopefully find a chicken jockey...
today was a pretty typical sunday. we didn't have sunday school, i assume because of the parking lot, but we did have regular church. i did my sudoku puzzles through the service like i usually do, and after church we went to applebee's for lunch. i had a quesadilla burger with fries, my mom told me i should get the o-m-cheese burger but i was embarrassed to order it for some reason >_< plus, when i know what i like, i don't usually like to deviate from my set order. to drink i got a dragon fruit margarita mocktail. it was really good, but very sour x3 we went straight home after lunch and i went straight to bed for a nap because i was so tired, even though i got over six hours of sleep last night. i slept all afternoon until it was time to go back to church for the evening service.
the evening service was... well, it was something. upsetting, to say the least. long story short, a pastor was revealed to have had "relations" with a teenage boy (i don't want to go too deep into it because i like to keep this blog safe for work), and that's what the service was based on. what made me so upset is the preacher focused more on the fact that it was a boy (aka homosexuality is an abomination type stuff) than the fact that it was a child. he did focus on that fact a bit, but so much of it was just homophobia. i can't imagine even if i was unsupportive of lgbt, which i'm obviously not since i myself am queer, ever considering homosexuality worse than pedophilia. it just all disgusted and upset me so much. i like to think i'm distanced enough from religion to not be bothered anymore by religion based homophobia, but at the end of the day the people i hear it from the most are people who claim to love me. i can't help feeling depressed over the idea that it's basically impossible for me to come out to even my own blood relatives without it causing problems or them taking back their love and support for me. that's something that will always hurt.
i really wish i could just stop going to church all together. i don't believe in god or christianity or any religion at all, and the homophobia and similar stuff really upsets me. but... i'm afraid of telling my mother i want to stop going. i already feel like i'm the disappointment child, being almost 26 and still living at home with no job, and i know telling her i'm atheist or even just that i don't want to go to church anymore will hurt her. i know this is the kind of situation i should prioritize my own comfort in, but i can't help it; i'm a people pleaser who hates confrontation and the thought of upsetting my mother fills me with so much guilt. she already cried when i told her i "don't know" if i'm a christian, blatantly saying i'm an atheist would be so much worse. i don't know. i'm moving on, i'm tired of thinking about this.
it's currently almost 10pm. when i got home from church, i ate half my leftovers for dinner and started adventuring on pixel cat's end. i've been doing some pea games throughout the day, but so far i've only gathered about 400 lost buttons, which isn't much compared to how many i should be getting each day if i want to reach 100 gifts by the end of the week. i do have a headache though, so i probably won't stay up much longer. i forgot to mention, we stopped at family dollar on the way home from church and i got creamsicle ice cream :3 it's not as good as i wanted it to be and i wish they had actual creamsicles, but it's okay.
update, it's almost 11:30pm now, so i'm going to go to bed! i'm ending the night with 2600 buttons and 14 silver gifts, not great but not horrible either. goodnight :3
