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phan is real?
Oct. 15th, 2025 03:07 pmto be honest, i haven't done much the last few days. so much so to the point that i can't think of anything to write about that would actually be chronologizing my days. so, instead of the usual, i'm just going to talk about some things that made me feel a little bit crazy and insane.
first is the elephant in the room if you know anything about me, which is of course... the dan and phil video that was uploaded yesterday. if you haven't watched it and have ever cared about dan and phil even a little bit, i recommend watching it. it's honestly a really nice discussion on things like parasociality and how speculation into relationships can affect people and the relationships themselves. though that's obviously not the part that made me crazy. no, that would be the blatant and open addressing of their relationship being romantic. i don't want to pull a "we always knew" kind of thing, but it was, especially in recent years, something that could be easily assumed given the fact they're two 30+ year old gay men who have spent about fifteen years attached at the hip and living together. however, i always thought it would stay that forever; something that can be assumed, but would never be directly addressed by dan and phil themselves. i also expected the video to, as usual, have a bait title and simply be an announcement of the channel rebrand. so it starting with the words "are dan and phil in a relationship? yes." really caught me off guard.
the video was so sweet and as i mentioned, a good discussion of parasociality and its effects. it's so nice to see them be so open about something they felt the need to keep secret and hidden away for so long. as someone who was a fan since years before "basically, i'm gay" and "coming out to you" were uploaded, watching them become more and more comfortable with being their authentic selves over the years has been so lovely, i couldn't be more happy for them. i started watching dan and phil way back in 2014 when i was just a little thirteen year old. now, at twenty-five, i feel like i've truly grown up alongside dan and phil. they're the only youtubers i liked back then that i still follow to this day and have consistently kept up with every new video they've posted over the years. i've witnessed the creation, death, resurrection, and rebranding of danandphilgames. i've watched, as mentioned, them slowly get to a place of being their authentic selves and then going even further than i expected with the new video. it sounds silly and maybe a bit parasocial, but i really would not trade my love for dan and phil for anything in the world.
okay, complete tonal shift. the thing today that made me crazy was... i played before your eyes. i think i've mentioned it briefly, but before your eyes is one of the games i picked up during the recent steam autumn sale. now, keep in mind when i talk about this: i have watched a play through of this game. i watched tubbo play it very recently, and although i missed a bit of the ending, i had already, within the past month, seen most of the game going into it. that said, i cried like a baby.
i've cried and gotten emotional over video games before. the last game i remember doing more than just tearing up over was stray; at the end when (spoiler warning) b-12 says he can't come with us to the outside and that opening the city would overwork his software, then after he dies the cat lays down next to him and rubs their head on him... so, so sad... anyway, yeah. i definitely see video games as an art form that can draw out emotions and make me cry or get upset. i have never cried over a game the way i did the end of before your eyes. despite watching someone else play it recently and going in knowing it had a heavy subject matter, i still sobbed my eyes out at the ending. something about (spoiler again) the way the story is set up where benny lies about how wonderful his life is and then you learn he died at only twelve years old, and the way the last section works with the mom reading and the ferryman telling the story and it switching back and forth between them with each blink... i don't know. it really, really got me.
despite it being a bit short (a little over one hour for the story, about two and a half to finish achievements) and making me cry my eyes out, i think before your eyes genuinely might be one of the best video games i've ever played. it's truly beautiful and i highly recommend it to anyone who has never heard of it or has considered picking it up, it's only $9.99 full price but i personally spent less than 3$ on it during the sale. after playing, i can safely say i'd gladly buy it at full price.
something i remembered that i could talk about after rambling about a video game is that yesterday i played moonlighter, another game i got during the sale, and... refunded it. after less than thirty minutes. i knew just based on that little time that if i kept it, i would never play it again, and it would just be another game left to rot in my library with less than an hour of playtime. i didn't like it for a few reasons: the controls were confusing and felt clanky. could i have remapped them? ...maybe. but i hate doing that. i also found the gameplay loop a bit boring and monotonous even after just three days, and according to negative steam reviews, that doesn't get any better, and you're not working toward much by continuing. and lastly, having to figure how exactly to price each item you sell to make sure you're not under or over pricing things is something i knew would annoy me almost immediately. i only spent around 2$ on this game, so it wouldn't have been terrible if i had kept it and not played it, but as mentioned i already have a list of games i haven't touched since the first time i played them, so i might as well refund while i still can. i think i'm going to hold onto the refund money i have for now and probably buy something from my wishlist if they end up discounted enough for me to get them.
this is about all i had to talk about... definitely not detailed or long enough to count as a regular blog post, though it did end up quite a bit longer than i expected. hopefully my next post will be something more interesting! oh, and the mood is related to before your eyes if that's not obvious...
first is the elephant in the room if you know anything about me, which is of course... the dan and phil video that was uploaded yesterday. if you haven't watched it and have ever cared about dan and phil even a little bit, i recommend watching it. it's honestly a really nice discussion on things like parasociality and how speculation into relationships can affect people and the relationships themselves. though that's obviously not the part that made me crazy. no, that would be the blatant and open addressing of their relationship being romantic. i don't want to pull a "we always knew" kind of thing, but it was, especially in recent years, something that could be easily assumed given the fact they're two 30+ year old gay men who have spent about fifteen years attached at the hip and living together. however, i always thought it would stay that forever; something that can be assumed, but would never be directly addressed by dan and phil themselves. i also expected the video to, as usual, have a bait title and simply be an announcement of the channel rebrand. so it starting with the words "are dan and phil in a relationship? yes." really caught me off guard.
the video was so sweet and as i mentioned, a good discussion of parasociality and its effects. it's so nice to see them be so open about something they felt the need to keep secret and hidden away for so long. as someone who was a fan since years before "basically, i'm gay" and "coming out to you" were uploaded, watching them become more and more comfortable with being their authentic selves over the years has been so lovely, i couldn't be more happy for them. i started watching dan and phil way back in 2014 when i was just a little thirteen year old. now, at twenty-five, i feel like i've truly grown up alongside dan and phil. they're the only youtubers i liked back then that i still follow to this day and have consistently kept up with every new video they've posted over the years. i've witnessed the creation, death, resurrection, and rebranding of danandphilgames. i've watched, as mentioned, them slowly get to a place of being their authentic selves and then going even further than i expected with the new video. it sounds silly and maybe a bit parasocial, but i really would not trade my love for dan and phil for anything in the world.
okay, complete tonal shift. the thing today that made me crazy was... i played before your eyes. i think i've mentioned it briefly, but before your eyes is one of the games i picked up during the recent steam autumn sale. now, keep in mind when i talk about this: i have watched a play through of this game. i watched tubbo play it very recently, and although i missed a bit of the ending, i had already, within the past month, seen most of the game going into it. that said, i cried like a baby.
i've cried and gotten emotional over video games before. the last game i remember doing more than just tearing up over was stray; at the end when (spoiler warning) b-12 says he can't come with us to the outside and that opening the city would overwork his software, then after he dies the cat lays down next to him and rubs their head on him... so, so sad... anyway, yeah. i definitely see video games as an art form that can draw out emotions and make me cry or get upset. i have never cried over a game the way i did the end of before your eyes. despite watching someone else play it recently and going in knowing it had a heavy subject matter, i still sobbed my eyes out at the ending. something about (spoiler again) the way the story is set up where benny lies about how wonderful his life is and then you learn he died at only twelve years old, and the way the last section works with the mom reading and the ferryman telling the story and it switching back and forth between them with each blink... i don't know. it really, really got me.
despite it being a bit short (a little over one hour for the story, about two and a half to finish achievements) and making me cry my eyes out, i think before your eyes genuinely might be one of the best video games i've ever played. it's truly beautiful and i highly recommend it to anyone who has never heard of it or has considered picking it up, it's only $9.99 full price but i personally spent less than 3$ on it during the sale. after playing, i can safely say i'd gladly buy it at full price.
something i remembered that i could talk about after rambling about a video game is that yesterday i played moonlighter, another game i got during the sale, and... refunded it. after less than thirty minutes. i knew just based on that little time that if i kept it, i would never play it again, and it would just be another game left to rot in my library with less than an hour of playtime. i didn't like it for a few reasons: the controls were confusing and felt clanky. could i have remapped them? ...maybe. but i hate doing that. i also found the gameplay loop a bit boring and monotonous even after just three days, and according to negative steam reviews, that doesn't get any better, and you're not working toward much by continuing. and lastly, having to figure how exactly to price each item you sell to make sure you're not under or over pricing things is something i knew would annoy me almost immediately. i only spent around 2$ on this game, so it wouldn't have been terrible if i had kept it and not played it, but as mentioned i already have a list of games i haven't touched since the first time i played them, so i might as well refund while i still can. i think i'm going to hold onto the refund money i have for now and probably buy something from my wishlist if they end up discounted enough for me to get them.
this is about all i had to talk about... definitely not detailed or long enough to count as a regular blog post, though it did end up quite a bit longer than i expected. hopefully my next post will be something more interesting! oh, and the mood is related to before your eyes if that's not obvious...
